An Idiot's Mistake
by JennyOfBones
Summary: A really short fic about things we saw - or didn't see! -  in The Hole in the Heart and The Change in the Game. Written trying to digest a couple things that didn't sit well with me. Oneshot.


**I just want to thank the wonderful Thnx4theGum for the beta and support on this. Without her help and encouragement I wouldn't have posted it.**

"The first hint of this storm is not a thunderclap; it is a knock".

'-'

She doesn't knock on his door. He has just managed to (finally!) doze off after hours of tossing and turning, and the unexpected 'click' makes him jump up and instinctively reach for his gun on the nightstand. He catches a glimpse of the green digits of his alarm clock reading 4:47 before pointing the gun straight in front of him while trying to shake off the sleep-induced haze from his brain.

He hears her gasp and soft-spoken "I'm sorry" the moment he realizes it's her. "What's wrong?" he asks, when he's made sure there's no real danger. When he hears what she says, how her way of taking most things literally has led her to doubt and berate herself, his heart clenches. Sitting next to him, in his oversized sweatshirt, she looks so small. It's not easy to convince her she's wrong; but it seems she just… gives up at one point and accepts his words.

When her tears become too many to hold back and he hears her whisper "Can I just…?" he leans back and holds her in his arms, caressing, talking soothingly. She can't stifle a sob, as the fabric of his T-shirt absorbs the salty drops. He wishes there was more he could do to comfort her, to take the pain away.

Without conscious thought, he touches his lips to the crown of her head; reassuring. His brain catches up and he realizes what he has done, but then he's helpless to go on. He kisses her hairline, her forehead, her nose. She has gone still in his arms, but her hand is still resting on his heart.

When he reaches her lips, they're slightly open. He kisses her tentatively at first, but when he realizes she's not pushing him away, he stops holding back. She's kissing him back with wonder, her palms caressing his face as if she can't believe it's really him, tracing his cheekbones as if to make sure this is really happening.

And then her hands are everywhere, and he's on top of her, and he feels like he just can't get enough of her mouth, her smell, the way her breasts feel pressed against his chest, how soft the skin of her hip feels under his hand, the sounds she's making. When her hand traces the faint scar on his chest, he knows she remembers another day three years ago, when it was _his_ wound she was trying to _keep the pressure on!_ He wants to make her forget, even for a moment, that there is death in this world. It's not an easy thing to do; but he tries, anyway.

Later, she sleeps with her back pressed on his chest, his arms around her. He can't sleep; not yet. He thinks of rainy nights outside a pool hall and the sting of a slap across his cheek and "Hold for Questioning" requests. Of rushing in a shabby room after shooting a guy he thought was his friend to save her life. Of a day in a cemetery, when her hand rested on his arm and it was enough. Of Las Vegas and the circus. Of Thai food, mac 'n' cheese and Christmas dinner. Of the sweet relief of seeing a boat sailing off with only one person on board and a hug in front of an altar. Of "Keep on trying" and "Hotblooded". Of a flight to China and skating, marksmanship certifications and promises to meet at a reflecting pool. Of "eventually" and dates written on scraps of paper and burnt in a candle's flame.

Her skin against his feels like a dream, the slight movement of her torso as she breathes the best proof that life can be good. He can still feel the touch of her hands on his body, the sting of her teeth on his shoulder, how it felt having every inch of her body pressed against every inch of his…

Damn, damn, damn! How could he have forgotten about protection? How? He's not a fucking teenager! After the "accident" that resulted in Parker's birth he'd vowed to always, _always_ be careful; and indeed it's the first time after that night that he's had unprotected sex. He hopes there will be no problem for her since she didn't mention anything either. After all she's always had pretty liberal views on sex. She must have been protected. "An idiot's mistake, nonetheless", he scolds himself.

It's quite some time before her soft breathing lulls him to sleep.

'-'

A few weeks later he is reminded that idiot mistakes always come with a price. But that doesn't stop a big grin from appearing on his face.

**I love reviews as much as the next ff writer, I guess... :)**


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